I’m so sleepy now at past midnight but I feel like scribbling down some thoughts and feelings. I don’t want to alarm others about the palpitation I have from time to time, and a sharp pang of pains in my chest. Strange as it sounds, it has crossed my mind that I might not wake up once I succumb to sleepiness.
I’m maybe just tired and stressed of trying to finish what I’m expected to do regarding lot papers of my late paternal grandfather and other duties at home. Another possible reason why I’m having this is the deep emotional wreckage I’ve got for a few months now. I never shared about it with my family and other friends except a cousin, a sister and a friend.
I entered a romantic relationship with a foreigner who he said, was an American Jew. We chatted for a few weeks knowing about people and things in our own lives. Then, he convinced me to give him a chance after and so I did. We became lovers last September 16, 2023 and I did my best to win him to Jesus Christ. He assured me that he did, he even made me joyful by telling me that he did it twice.
I want to tell you the whole story of our almost one-year bittersweet relationship. But as of now, I’m healing from that deep emotional wound after his abandonment and betrayal. I cried my heart out for countless nights, shed tears anytime of the day and got depressed but kept at the pace of a normal life.
I have not lived a commendable life, not a laudable one also. But I am ever grateful to our heavenly Father and Maker for this borrowed life He has entrusted me. I have my family and friends who are my first line of defense, some neighbors and acquaintances around. All my needs are provided for and some wants are lavished on me. I could not ask for more.
As of now, it’s past the first hour of the morning here. If ever I fall asleep, God knows my heart and mind as well. I have loved all the people in my life and done my best to them. I wish everyone joy, hope, love and peace in themselves.
It’s December 21, 2023 today. A few fleeting days have already passed since I wrote down a sort of goodbye message. It sounds weird that I should have done such a thing as this but sometimes, a sudden thought passes our mind, an inkling that we must do something right at that moment it comes. It’s such a loss, a regret or an embitterment if we will not act on it.
My palpitation has lessened, but I contracted a viral pulmonary disease that called for some medical help. I did not go to a doctor or had laboratory tests, I just asked a family physician-friend to send me a prescription on Messenger. I have been taking two kinds of antibiotics for two days now. I think I’m feeling better, and healing well, thanks God as both my Healer inside and out. But still, it’s just an early stage of the healing journey. However, we’re faced with the reality of death every waking day so there’s a need to be prepared always.
Some wise men say, live each day as your last day on earth because we never know when that day will be. At times, we read or hear that sagacious question, “What would you do if you were given just one more day to live?”
There are many ideal and beautiful things most of us would do, if we were given the last day of our life. There are those who would travel to their most dreamed of place, like Japan, Israel, Paris, or Switzerland. There are also those who would spend that day with their loved ones, friends and their special one. There are also those who would do their best deed to someone, like giving food, money or expensive things.
kathangpinayniodesalle 